Moving house.

So we've finally moved. As in, we finally have our own space, to grow as a couple and to work out all the issues that we've been avoiding. This past week has been a hard one. Chris's hours have been long, I've been avoiding uni work, and to top it all off, the car broke last night. We're finally growing up, finding our own place in the world and quite frankly, it scares me. I see people having babies, baking cakes and being generally adorable. And then there's me. Sat at home, arsing around and pretending that the pile of dishes in the sink, and the ever-growing piles of dirty and clean washing don't exist. I'm avoiding any sort of responsibility because that means that I have to grow up. And I don't want to. The concept of having to get a real job, to work full time and not be able to rise at midday (which I've fallen into the terrible habit of doing) and blame everything on a cold scares me. If you know me, you know I have...issues. Nothing clinically diagnosed because that would involve going to the doctors and baring my soul to them, but issues nonetheless. And I worry about them.

I saw an article a few days ago that rang so true within myself. I feel like a let-down. Because I see all these pictures on other people's blogs where they look beautiful and made up and they're going on cycling dates, or strawberry picking dates, and Chris and I....we don't like people. We like comfort and we like stability. I hate strawberries and we don't own bikes. We enjoy eachothers company but sometimes, our time together is just snuggling and taking a nap together. And it pisses me off because why should I feel bad about this? Why should I feel bad about the fact that my time with my husband isn't picture worthy? That our lives don't get 300 views a day? Mike, our pastor, preached on something today. Something life changing. It's called the Gospel. And he said that today is the day we draw the line in the sand. This far, and no further. This is the day where we quit walking away from Jesus, where we quit coveting other people's stuff, and where we quit satiating our sinful desires. So now is my time to confess my sins. To confess that I covet things, and experiences. I want this. I want that. I want to go there. I want to experience this. I base my life around those desires and then when they come to fruition, they're never as good as they seem. There's always something missing; if I've taken photos, I feel hard done by because I've missed out. If I don't take photos, I feel like a failure because I can't share them with people. I can't go "hey guys, look at the awesome things Chris and I did over the weekend".

This has been a word vomit, and I'm ok with that. I've confronted my sin today, now its time to confront my washing pile.