I remember getting used to waking up to someone else in the bed with me. I remember getting used to putting towels back so he could use them in the shower. I remember getting used to wearing my wedding ring. I remember getting used to seeing my wedding ring. I remember getting used to having all this free time with another human being and knowing that he will be there in the morning. It was such a relaxing thing. But now I'm finding myself becoming complacent. And that scares me. Now, I don't cherish the time we have together, because I'm used to it. Now, I don't cherish the sound of his breathing while he sleeps, because I'm used to it. Now, I don't cherish the sight of my wedding ring, because I'm used to it. I'm used to a lot of things; I'm used to tiredness, to hunger, to pain, to sorrow. I'm used to joy, and laughter, and friendship. I'm used to a lot of things but that doesn't give me the excuse not to cherish the good.
I was always taught that the key to a good marriage is communication. But it's not just that. It's also about enjoying eachother's company. If you were out with a friend, you wouldn't sit and play on your phones. You wouldn't wear headphones to block out any chance of communication. You would be courteous and make sure that the other person was content and happy before you did anything else.
Marriage isn't about me. It's about us, and ultimately it's about God. Chris asked me recently if I was happy, and honestly? I'm not. I'm complacent. Not happy, not sad. Just...meh. And I hate it. It's one of the side-effects of being broke is that we don't really have the opportunity to go out and do stuff, because stuff tends to cost money. I nearly wrote "now that it's summer we can..." but its been summer for a month. And we haven't done things that we promised ourselves we would.
There will always be a "when I get X, then I'll do Y" in my life. I don't want it to become my marriage.
k. x
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