Moving house.
So we've finally moved. As in, we finally have our own space, to grow as a couple and to work out all the issues that we've been avoiding. This past week has been a hard one. Chris's hours have been long, I've been avoiding uni work, and to top it all off, the car broke last night. We're finally growing up, finding our own place in the world and quite frankly, it scares me. I see people having babies, baking cakes and being generally adorable. And then there's me. Sat at home, arsing around and pretending that the pile of dishes in the sink, and the ever-growing piles of dirty and clean washing don't exist. I'm avoiding any sort of responsibility because that means that I have to grow up. And I don't want to. The concept of having to get a real job, to work full time and not be able to rise at midday (which I've fallen into the terrible habit of doing) and blame everything on a cold scares me. If you know me, you know I have...issues. Nothing clinically diagnosed because that would involve going to the doctors and baring my soul to them, but issues nonetheless. And I worry about them.
I saw an article a few days ago that rang so true within myself. I feel like a let-down. Because I see all these pictures on other people's blogs where they look beautiful and made up and they're going on cycling dates, or strawberry picking dates, and Chris and I....we don't like people. We like comfort and we like stability. I hate strawberries and we don't own bikes. We enjoy eachothers company but sometimes, our time together is just snuggling and taking a nap together. And it pisses me off because why should I feel bad about this? Why should I feel bad about the fact that my time with my husband isn't picture worthy? That our lives don't get 300 views a day? Mike, our pastor, preached on something today. Something life changing. It's called the Gospel. And he said that today is the day we draw the line in the sand. This far, and no further. This is the day where we quit walking away from Jesus, where we quit coveting other people's stuff, and where we quit satiating our sinful desires. So now is my time to confess my sins. To confess that I covet things, and experiences. I want this. I want that. I want to go there. I want to experience this. I base my life around those desires and then when they come to fruition, they're never as good as they seem. There's always something missing; if I've taken photos, I feel hard done by because I've missed out. If I don't take photos, I feel like a failure because I can't share them with people. I can't go "hey guys, look at the awesome things Chris and I did over the weekend".
This has been a word vomit, and I'm ok with that. I've confronted my sin today, now its time to confront my washing pile.
I saw an article a few days ago that rang so true within myself. I feel like a let-down. Because I see all these pictures on other people's blogs where they look beautiful and made up and they're going on cycling dates, or strawberry picking dates, and Chris and I....we don't like people. We like comfort and we like stability. I hate strawberries and we don't own bikes. We enjoy eachothers company but sometimes, our time together is just snuggling and taking a nap together. And it pisses me off because why should I feel bad about this? Why should I feel bad about the fact that my time with my husband isn't picture worthy? That our lives don't get 300 views a day? Mike, our pastor, preached on something today. Something life changing. It's called the Gospel. And he said that today is the day we draw the line in the sand. This far, and no further. This is the day where we quit walking away from Jesus, where we quit coveting other people's stuff, and where we quit satiating our sinful desires. So now is my time to confess my sins. To confess that I covet things, and experiences. I want this. I want that. I want to go there. I want to experience this. I base my life around those desires and then when they come to fruition, they're never as good as they seem. There's always something missing; if I've taken photos, I feel hard done by because I've missed out. If I don't take photos, I feel like a failure because I can't share them with people. I can't go "hey guys, look at the awesome things Chris and I did over the weekend".
This has been a word vomit, and I'm ok with that. I've confronted my sin today, now its time to confront my washing pile.
rape.
http://www.upworthy.com/cnn-pays-touching-tribute-to-the-rapists-who-attacked-a-16-year-old-girl?g=2&c=cd1
"There is a lot of excrement in the air conditioning."
That's my dad's way of saying shit has hit the fan. And it truly has, but not in a way that is beneficial to getting rid of rape culture.
The Steubenville rape case is one of the most notable cases of the current day, IMO. We'll set the scene. One 16 year old girl, having been drugged. Two high school football players (one 16, the other 17) rape her, urinate on her and photograph eachother, before dumping her, naked, in someone's front garden.
Atrocious, correct?
It gets worse.
They tweet about it, joke about it, and then at least 16 people, who witnessed all or part of the act, refuse to co-operate with the police. Others jump in in support of the two rapists, with some calling for the girl to be punished for under-age drinking. Others stated that the two boys careers have been ruined and that it was atrocious that they were placed on the sex offenders register. CNN reporters (in the link above) discuss how the judge's ruling could destroy these two boys lives....
Is it just me, or are they missing something here? The fact that this girl, drunk or sober, was raped. Repeatedly. By people she trusted. And that for the rest of her life, she will potentially have panic attacks and PTSD, that she may not be able to trust another man, perhaps ever.
When will this culture of blame end? When will the blame be put on the rapist, and not the victim. There are people tweeting about how "it was her fault, she was wearing a short skirt!", "it was her fault, she was drunk". If you're wearing tight jeans, and I come along and rape you with a dildo, is that your fault? Because you were wearing clothing which drew attention to your figure? No. It would be my fault, because I would be the rapist in that situation. If you're drunk, and I rape you, whos fault is that? Yours? Because you've drank too much? Or mine, because I've taken advantage of your vulnerability and raped you.
Despite how much I long to, I will not wish harm on these boys. I will not hope they get raped in jail. I will not hope that they kill themselves. I will hope that they serve as a lesson to people. We all have responsibilities. Women, and men, get raped every day across the world. Men, and women, rape every day. We all have a responsibility to be careful, to not get drunk to the point of passing out, to not accept drinks off strangers. But if none of us got drunk, and none of us took drinks off strangers, would there still be rape?
Yes. Of course there would. Because most rapists aren't strangers, and most rapes happen when neither party is drunk.
Rather than teaching blame, and responsibility on the part of the victim, how about we teach responsibility and respect on the part of the rapist. Blaming the victim for someone forcing themselves upon them is counter-intuitive. If someone mugs you in the street, it's the muggers fault, not yours. If someone rapes you, it's their fault. They are the ones to take responsibility, regardless of whether you were wearing a short skirt, or high heels, or were wearing make-up or whatever bullshit excuses defence lawyers give.
Lets set out some rules, yeah?
If she's too drunk to consent, it means no.
If she's asleep, it means no.
If she hasn't said yes, it means no.
If she is crying, it means no.
If she asks you to stop halfway through, you stop.
There were over 65,000 rape cases estimated in the UK last year. Less than 25% of those were reported to the police. Less than 20% of the cases reported went to trial. Less than 40% of those cases resulted in a conviction. That means that only 1.6% of rapists are convicted.
A friend of mine was raped about a year back. She's a strong girl, both physically and mentally. She went to the police pretty much as soon as it happened, after phoning her sister. The police refused to pursue the case because, in her state of shock, she got two minor facts the wrong way round. Initially she said she rang her sister and then the police, and in her second statement, she rang the police and then her sister. The officer in charge refused to pursue the case due to "conflicting statements". Her rapist? Her boss' husband.
You tell me that it was her fault. You tell me that it was because she was drunk, or wearing revealing clothing, or because she was in a bad area.
"There is a lot of excrement in the air conditioning."
That's my dad's way of saying shit has hit the fan. And it truly has, but not in a way that is beneficial to getting rid of rape culture.
The Steubenville rape case is one of the most notable cases of the current day, IMO. We'll set the scene. One 16 year old girl, having been drugged. Two high school football players (one 16, the other 17) rape her, urinate on her and photograph eachother, before dumping her, naked, in someone's front garden.
Atrocious, correct?
It gets worse.
They tweet about it, joke about it, and then at least 16 people, who witnessed all or part of the act, refuse to co-operate with the police. Others jump in in support of the two rapists, with some calling for the girl to be punished for under-age drinking. Others stated that the two boys careers have been ruined and that it was atrocious that they were placed on the sex offenders register. CNN reporters (in the link above) discuss how the judge's ruling could destroy these two boys lives....
Is it just me, or are they missing something here? The fact that this girl, drunk or sober, was raped. Repeatedly. By people she trusted. And that for the rest of her life, she will potentially have panic attacks and PTSD, that she may not be able to trust another man, perhaps ever.
When will this culture of blame end? When will the blame be put on the rapist, and not the victim. There are people tweeting about how "it was her fault, she was wearing a short skirt!", "it was her fault, she was drunk". If you're wearing tight jeans, and I come along and rape you with a dildo, is that your fault? Because you were wearing clothing which drew attention to your figure? No. It would be my fault, because I would be the rapist in that situation. If you're drunk, and I rape you, whos fault is that? Yours? Because you've drank too much? Or mine, because I've taken advantage of your vulnerability and raped you.
Despite how much I long to, I will not wish harm on these boys. I will not hope they get raped in jail. I will not hope that they kill themselves. I will hope that they serve as a lesson to people. We all have responsibilities. Women, and men, get raped every day across the world. Men, and women, rape every day. We all have a responsibility to be careful, to not get drunk to the point of passing out, to not accept drinks off strangers. But if none of us got drunk, and none of us took drinks off strangers, would there still be rape?
Yes. Of course there would. Because most rapists aren't strangers, and most rapes happen when neither party is drunk.
Rather than teaching blame, and responsibility on the part of the victim, how about we teach responsibility and respect on the part of the rapist. Blaming the victim for someone forcing themselves upon them is counter-intuitive. If someone mugs you in the street, it's the muggers fault, not yours. If someone rapes you, it's their fault. They are the ones to take responsibility, regardless of whether you were wearing a short skirt, or high heels, or were wearing make-up or whatever bullshit excuses defence lawyers give.
Lets set out some rules, yeah?
If she's too drunk to consent, it means no.
If she's asleep, it means no.
If she hasn't said yes, it means no.
If she is crying, it means no.
If she asks you to stop halfway through, you stop.
There were over 65,000 rape cases estimated in the UK last year. Less than 25% of those were reported to the police. Less than 20% of the cases reported went to trial. Less than 40% of those cases resulted in a conviction. That means that only 1.6% of rapists are convicted.
A friend of mine was raped about a year back. She's a strong girl, both physically and mentally. She went to the police pretty much as soon as it happened, after phoning her sister. The police refused to pursue the case because, in her state of shock, she got two minor facts the wrong way round. Initially she said she rang her sister and then the police, and in her second statement, she rang the police and then her sister. The officer in charge refused to pursue the case due to "conflicting statements". Her rapist? Her boss' husband.
You tell me that it was her fault. You tell me that it was because she was drunk, or wearing revealing clothing, or because she was in a bad area.
"Do all the good you can, in all the ways you can, to all the souls you can, in every place you can, at all the times you can, with all the zeal you can, as long as ever you can”
I was gifted those words on my last day of Sixth Form, along with the people I had called friends, before we departed for new worlds. Before we moved on, grew up, got jobs and created families. We are adults now. 21. We have responsibilities, bills to pay and deadlines to meet. It seems that in all our good intentions, good is left behind. We're stressed. We shout at eachother. We don't talk to eachother. The texts we send eachother are ignored, forgotten about. We forget to meet for coffee. We forget eachother's birthday. And then one day, we just forget.
We are created in God's image. We are created to be pro-active, to act on our callings and to build eachother up. An act of kindness every day can change the world. One nice text a day, to one friend, can mean the world. A "happy birthday", a "have a great day", whatever springs to mind. If they're ignored, they're ignored. If they're responded to, then brilliant. God has given us the need for relationships to glorify Him. There are two Bible passages that apply to this area for me: "No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us" (1 John 4:12) and "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another" (John 13:34). God is a God of love. He is a God of relationships and He is a God of communication.
This week, I feel that my lesson is definately relationships, and how I can build my relationships on strong foundations. What is your lesson this week?
K.
5 things I'm smiling about.
This past week has been hard. I mean, really hard. Combine my 21st coming up and no idea what I want to do for it, a dissertation deadline fast approaching, making plans to finally moving house on March 11th and a very ill me, I'm just thankful it's a friday. But not everything has been awful this week. Here are five things that have made me smile this week.
1. This man's acceptance speech. I didn't grow up with him, but I have read about him, I have watched youtube clips of him, and I have never seen someone accept a lifetime achievement emmy with such humility.
2. The friends that I have made on this place. The honesty that they show, the love that they display to eachother and the fun that they have.
3. This post. I don't think I've laughed so hard at one thing in a long time.
4. The finding of new blogs. The reaching across continents, across time zones and across worlds to connect with complete strangers. The looking up to people you've never met because the way that they do life inspires you to be a better person, better friend and better wife.
5. Fifth and finally, my Father. My Heavenly Father who I know loves me unconditionally despite the fact that every time He reaches a hand out to me, I turn away. I run. And I never stop running. I can accept love off Chris, because I know we are both sinners and our love is worthless. But His love? His love is unconditional, and is worth more than I can ever explain. <y prayers this week, and for the past few weeks have been lacking substance. They've been a plea for help, for realisation, rather than anything else. I trust that prayer works. I've seen prayer work. But I've not placed trust in my own prayers.
This girl loves her dad. Simple.
K.
1. This man's acceptance speech. I didn't grow up with him, but I have read about him, I have watched youtube clips of him, and I have never seen someone accept a lifetime achievement emmy with such humility.
2. The friends that I have made on this place. The honesty that they show, the love that they display to eachother and the fun that they have.
3. This post. I don't think I've laughed so hard at one thing in a long time.
4. The finding of new blogs. The reaching across continents, across time zones and across worlds to connect with complete strangers. The looking up to people you've never met because the way that they do life inspires you to be a better person, better friend and better wife.
5. Fifth and finally, my Father. My Heavenly Father who I know loves me unconditionally despite the fact that every time He reaches a hand out to me, I turn away. I run. And I never stop running. I can accept love off Chris, because I know we are both sinners and our love is worthless. But His love? His love is unconditional, and is worth more than I can ever explain. <y prayers this week, and for the past few weeks have been lacking substance. They've been a plea for help, for realisation, rather than anything else. I trust that prayer works. I've seen prayer work. But I've not placed trust in my own prayers.
This girl loves her dad. Simple.
K.
Kerry bails an ollie.
My wonderful husband edited the footage from the MuN/Bristol weekend, and here is the resulting video. Enjoy!
K.
Manchester/Bristol
We spent the weekend just gone with friends, new and old. As is well known now, Chris and I fingerboard; Saturday was MeetupNorth 2 (or as Danny likes to call it, FeetupNorth) in Manchester, which was a lot of people gathering in a pub's function room to fingerboard for fun, and competitively. Kerry gives a good recap on his blog, but I want to give mine as well :)
Friday evening, Chris and I drove down to Manchester. We grabbed some dinner, à la Costa, about half way there. Three hours, one traffic jam and some fast food later we finally arrived at our hotel, which was happily, the same place where the event was being held. Once we rolled out of bed, we headed to the venue, where people had already started congregating. Once everyone had arrived, we got down to business. First, the game of SKATE; Michael R placed first, Thom M came second and Kerry placed third. After that, more fast food (pizza, pasties and cupcakes) and some recreational fingerboarding. Then the Big Mini run came next, which Euan won, and later on after the raffle, the big run competition, with Euan
winning (again).
At the end of the event, Chris, Kerry and I headed off on our long drive down to Bristol. I think, in the past few days, I've eaten more fast food and donuts than I have in the past three months, but worth it. Five hours later, we arrived in Bristol, at Chateux Kezza as Chris likes to call it. I only have one word to describe it; hills. Sunday was spent seeing the sights in Bristol, along with fingerboarding (of course) in Kerry's room, and on the water front. Monday was pancakes, sushi and driving. Bristol is a beautiful place, and the one thing Chris and I agreed that stops us from moving down there in the future is the distance. We love our family, they're one of the groups of people most dear to us, so moving just over 300 miles away is just not something we can imagine being ok with.
However, it wont stop us visiting, especially now that we know people down south. Two regrets of the weekend; one, that Chris didn't get to visit Campus skatepark, two, that we didn't get to visit the Skate Board Cafe. But that merely justifies a second visit.
This next week will be an interesting one; it's Wednesday already, and tonight Ed visits from South Africa. Have a beautiful Wednesday friends.
K.
At the end of the event, Chris, Kerry and I headed off on our long drive down to Bristol. I think, in the past few days, I've eaten more fast food and donuts than I have in the past three months, but worth it. Five hours later, we arrived in Bristol, at Chateux Kezza as Chris likes to call it. I only have one word to describe it; hills. Sunday was spent seeing the sights in Bristol, along with fingerboarding (of course) in Kerry's room, and on the water front. Monday was pancakes, sushi and driving. Bristol is a beautiful place, and the one thing Chris and I agreed that stops us from moving down there in the future is the distance. We love our family, they're one of the groups of people most dear to us, so moving just over 300 miles away is just not something we can imagine being ok with.
This next week will be an interesting one; it's Wednesday already, and tonight Ed visits from South Africa. Have a beautiful Wednesday friends.
K.
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